I regret not giving son my last name

Dear Pastor,

I have been happily married for eight years, but there is one regret that continues to weigh heavily on my heart - and whenever I think about it, it deeply troubles me.

When I first met my wife, we began dating and quickly grew close. However, she suddenly started to distance herself, barely answering my calls or messages. When I finally got through to her, she broke down in tears and told me it would be best if I left her alone.

I pressed her to understand why, and that's when she told me she was pregnant, from before we started dating. The circumstances surrounding her pregnancy are hers to share, but I can say she is one of the most caring, loving, and kind-hearted persons I have ever known. She was taken advantage of during a vulnerable time.

Despite my uncertainty back then, I chose to stay. I told her we would see where faith would take us. I supported her throughout the pregnancy and was there at the hospital when she gave birth. At the time, I encouraged her to give the child the biological father's name, even though he had already made it clear that he wanted nothing to do with the child and has since disappeared completely.

Today, that child is 10 years old, and I love him as my own. In every sense that matters, he is my son - not a stepchild. My wife and I also have a child together, and I love them both unconditionally.

But I carry a deep regret. I wish I had given him my name from the beginning. I regret not stepping forward in that moment and claiming him fully as my own. I have since tried to adopt him through the Child Protection and Family Services Agency, but my application was denied because the biological father's consent is required - and he cannot be found. More than anything, I want whatever legacy the boy inherits from me to be in my name, as my son.

This situation continues to weigh on me, and I am seeking your guidance on how to move forward, both emotionally and spiritually.

B.

Dear B.,

I can assure you of my prayers. I believe that you have tried to assist the woman you have married throughout her pregnancy.

I am sure she regrets that she did not inform you that she was intimate with another man when you first met. So, she carries a certain amount of sadness as you. You did not discourage her from registering the child in his biological father's name. Perhaps you said to yourself that you did not know how the relationship between the both of you would have turned out. Now you see it has been a very good relationship and you would like to change her son's last name to yours.

I believe that you should seek the help of a lawyer. If the father of the child has not done anything for him and he cannot be found, one can consider him a sperm donor and that is where it stops. I believe that you are going to be able to get this situation changed. Therefore you need to contact a lawyer very soon.

I wish you well and I would be happy to hear from you again when this big change is made. May God bless your family.

Pastor