My son is about to marry the wrong woman

Dear Pastor,

This is the second time I am writing to you. I did not get a response from you the first time. I am in my mid-50s, and I am single because my first wife died.

I have two sons, but they are on their own. I hear from them every day. One of them is about to get married and I am concerned about him, because the woman he is about to marry is 10 years his senior. I told him that he was making a mistake because this woman has three children and they are all in school, so he would have to support them.

I cannot drive sense in his head. He thinks he knows everything.

I have written a will and I put in it that he should have half of the value of my house. He and his brother can sell the property after I have passed on and divide the assets between them. They do not know that that is in the will.

It may sound cruel to you, but if my son marries this woman, who is much older than him, I am going to change the will and leave nothing for him. The only thing that is saving him right now is that he is very kind to me. Whatever I need anything, my sons purchase it for me.

Pastor, pertaining to my son who is planning to get married, there are so many women around that I know love him. He doesn't have to tie himself up with this woman who already has three children.

He was my wife's favourite son. I know that she would not agree for him to marry this woman, who already has a family.

He is always talking how this woman can cook and how she takes good care of his clothes. He has even suggested that I could have her come to my house and take care of the house once or twice per week and I wouldn't have to pay her. But I don't want her in my house. I told him to encourage her to go back to school and become a cosmetologist, because she doesn't have any education. However, she is not interested in going to school.

Pastor, give me your advice.

M

Dear M.,

Your son has made his decision. He is in love with a woman who is much older than himself, according to you. She is the mother of three children. I am sure if your son wanted a virgin to be his wife, he would have tried to find one.

But instead, he has chosen to have a relationship with a woman who is much older than himself and is the mother of three children.

What I want to suggest to you is that you stop fighting your son because of the choice that he has made. Even if this woman had six children you should accept her into your family, because she is the one he loves.

You have not indicated whether the children share the same father. Regardless, whether they were born from one, two, or multiple relationships does not determine her character or make her a bad woman. Having three children outside of marriage does not mean she was promiscuous or involved with multiple partners.

I do not support you in changing your will. Whatever you intended to bequeath to your son, you should do so. Perhaps after he has married this woman, he may impregnate her and she may have three more children. They would carry his name and benefit greatly from what you have given to him.

I hope you would ponder what I have said. Support your son in whatever decision he may wish to make.

Pastor