Want my boyfriend to act like a big man

Dear Pastor,

I am 21 and I have found myself in love with a young man who is 22. I really love him, but sometimes he behaves like a child.

He is not mature. He has childish ways. Sometimes I ask him how come his younger brother acts like a real man yet he is so childish. He said he is just having fun, but he doesn't understand why I say he is childish. Sometimes I am discussing a matter with him and he says that I am too serious about life. He then laughs it off and goes about his business. If I discuss the same matter with his brother, he suggests that I should try 'so and so and so'.

I told my boyfriend that I cannot be bothered with him, so I am going to switch to his brother because I can relate better to him. He said it would not matter to him because there are other girls out there who love him and are crazy about him. One thing I have to give him credit for, he is not mean to me. He gives me money almost every week. My first boyfriend never used to do that. I used to have to beg him for money and I had to tell him what I needed the money for. But not this fellow. If I tell him I need $5,000 or $10,000, as soon as he gets his pay, he would bring it to me.

When it comes to intimacy, he is good at that, although he is only 22. The first time he had sex with me, he discharged quickly, but after that he spends much longer. He said he has been having sex since he was 15. He said his brother used to take two girls to their parents' house and their father was hardly home. They used to have these girls in their room while their mother was fast asleep.

He does not have sisters. I would like to see him mature. He has ambition. Right now he is talking about going back to school. He has his mind on CASE and I have agreed to work and help him while he is in college. I told my aunt about his plans and what I want to do to help him and she said I should not spend any money on a man because he may leave me after he graduates. Do you think that it is a wrong thing for me to help this man to go to school?

F.W.

Dear F.W.,

This young man will hopefully mature the older he gets. You claim that he has childish ways, but at the same time, there are certain things that he does that show maturity.

He knows that you have financial needs, so he often gives you financial help. That is a good man, and I will say a very good man too. So, go easy on him. You love him and he loves you. If you find yourself in a position where you can assist him to go to college, do so.

There are some men who have been told that they should never assist a woman to attend college and your aunt is telling you that you should not support a man at all while he is in school, because after graduation, he may leave you for another woman. In my counselling experiences, I have seen women walk away from men who have put them through school. These women have told me that they were never in love with the men, but they stayed with them because they needed financial help. In your case, you love this man, and although you do not know what the future holds, I would suggest that you assist him with school. Do not listen to the advice of your aunt.

Pastor