My sister is angry that I’m dating her ex

Dear Pastor,

I am writing to you because I am confused. I am going to tell you the whole story. I am 25 and I come from a home that didn't have much to give to us as children.

But my mother tried her very best. She had three girls and two boys. I did not know my father. My mother used to tell me that he was a wild man who got children in every parish that he went to work. Anyway, my oldest sister was lucky. She got a visa and travelled abroad. I knew when she was playing around with a man. She got pregnant for the man who did not own the child. Then she picked up another man who helped her to travel.

I did not know much about him, but two years ago, I met a guy who treated me very well. He would give me anything I asked for. My sister and I were talking one night and I mentioned my boyfriend's name and she wanted to know why I got involved with that man. I told her that he is a wonderful man and she went silent. I asked her what was wrong. She said that she had a relationship with that man, so why should I be having one with him. I told her I did not know that she was in a relationship with him. I told her we would talk again.

I called my boyfriend and I asked him if he had a relationship with so and so and he said they went out a few times. I told him that she is my sister; he said he did not know that because when we met, we did not question each other about our past lives. I asked him what we were going to do and he said the relationship with my sister was a long time ago. He then asked me if I wanted to break up with him. I told him my sister was very unhappy with me. He told me he would give me time to decide what I wanted to do.

This man is everything to me. We are not living together, but he pays my rent and I can say that he takes good care of me. My sister and I don't carry the same surname and that is partly why this guy did not know that we were sisters. I told my mother what my sister said, and she said I should not break up with my boyfriend because he has not done me anything. My sister told me that now that I know that this man and her were lovers, I should leave him. My mother told my sister that the relationship she had with the guy was a long time ago and she should not try to break us up.

My rent is $25,000 per month and my boyfriend pays it. I am also attending university and he is assisting me. But the sticky problem I am having is that this sister is also helping me to attend university, and I am afraid that she is going to cut me off. She hasn't threatened to do so, but she is angry with me.

I really need your advice. Please tell me what you believe I should do.

M.C.

Dear M.C.,

Judging by what you have said, I cannot suggest that you end the relationship with your boyfriend.

When you met him, you were not aware that he and your sister knew each other years ago, and evidently had a brief relationship before she went abroad. This young man evidently loves you. He has been paying your rent, helping to send you to college, and paying other bills for you. Your sister, who is also assisting you, believes that you should dump this guy because of her past relationship with him. Your mother told you that you should not leave your boyfriend. I believe your mother is right.

I hope that if you decide to continue the relationship you are presently having with your boyfriend, it will not cause a rift between your sister and you.

Pastor